worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
