Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
