I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
