I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
