i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
