i think my tv is drunk
Jerry, you need to find god
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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