can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
40s are totally the cure
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
