quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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