Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
