My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
