You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
