I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Someone came in the potted fern
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
