I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
