I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
