We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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