i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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