dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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