I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
