the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
