she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
