Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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