My room smells like vodka and shame
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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