Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How does one acquire holy water?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
