You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
