I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
