when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We're too hungover to prance.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
