Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
send nudes
from the living room?
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