Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My vagina is very pro this idea
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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