mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
