I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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