we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
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