I am in a vortex of obligation.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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