when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
