Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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