Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
