dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
