Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
