Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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