I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
