He asked to "fluff my boner.."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
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