I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
