She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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