See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
