She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
