sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
