So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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