Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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