I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
