god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They have beer where we have blood.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
