Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
