it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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